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Doom 3 |
Written by:
HitNRun
Monday, August 31, 2004 12:03 AM
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Doom 3: Let's clear the air here: id Software's Big Heap Chief Figurehead, John Carmack, is a total fucksaw. He's famous for heading the original Doom and
then spending the intervening ten years insulting the intelligence of his customers. He's compared the importance of narrative in videogames to narrative in porn. More recently he's spent the two years since Doom 3's unveiling explaining to journalists that everyone will buy his game, even without multiplayer, or depth, or story, or anything beyond repeated shooting. He explained that the game would also be very short; he did not explain it would be a year and a half late. His customers expressed their loyalty by pirating his whack-a-mole graphics engine (he called it a game at the time) and releasing it to the public. Shitstorm ensued.
Whether Carmack saw the light after that incident, or enough people told him they didn't want his game but would pirate it anyway just to protest it, or the game was destined to become what it is now regardless, let's make one thing clear- Doom 3 is The Shit.
You've probably played it by now, so I don't have to put myself through the labor of describing the mood, but I will anyway. Match Resident Evil with a 3D shooter and pretend all the spine-tingling moments of that game are happening every five seconds. The character models are intimidating- the level design is the most gloriously fucked up thing you have ever
experienced. Unless you commune with Lucifer on Fridays with your date and some friends, in which case it might be pretty commonplace. The game, despite the promises of it's designer, has multiplayer, depth, a story, (cut and pasted from Half-Life but it seems relevant due to your pounding heart) and is even quite long.
The game is
not without its...imperfections. The classic imp is heavily overused, even in later levels. To be fair,
imps are quite capable of doing damage, especially since the game isn't above what was known as "cheating" once upon a time. Monsters will spawn behind you, next to you, on you, wherever and whenever the game decides. Realism- vital for the suspension of disbelief in a game like Doom- is sacrificed for cheap thrills on occasion.
Early on, the lighting (which is grudgingly doled out like dressing at a school cafeteria) hides monsters you
know are right in front of you, forcing you to accept damage or waste ammo. Satan himself occasionally has voice clips and this invariably triggers a monster spawn. Your Marine avatar is also as clumsy as any civilian, encouraging you to panic when he can't respond to danger quickly enough. The combined effect of these is like a friend jumping at you and yelling "Boo!"...and then doing it over and over again every time you walk away.
Still, these problems all occur in an effort to scare the shit out of you, at which the game succeeds remarkably. You can write me a scoffing email about how big your nutsack is in comparison to mine; I'll gladly describe what you can expect your pubic hair to look like when it grows in.
This game is a frightening, thrilling experience. It's just too bad id is going to lose so many potential sales because humility and PR sense are apparently for losers.
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