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RPGMAKER 2000 REVIEWS |
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Overview Okay, let's review. *clap* This page contains games and reviews of games created by RPGMaker 2000, which is usually referred to as RM2K. Click the previous link for more information on that particular program- I don't have time to repeat the entire soap opera here. Suffice it to say for most of you, no extra programs are needed to run any of these games unless specifically mentioned in the review. Just download them, install them, and play.
Reviews are based on the subjective
observation of the reviewer. Opinions are protected from libel suits under the
First Amendment. You know, just saying. |
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THE CHOSEN: QUEST FOR THE ADVANTAGE |
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Chosen
opens with the main character waking up, going downstairs, and greeting his
parents. They wish him a Happy Birthday and offer him breakfast. He replies,
"I cannot gorge myself thusly, while the peasants starve to their deaths." The game pretty much goes downhill from there. Chosen is set on an Earth of *gasp* pseudo-religion. This basically means that there are a ton of falsified scripture references that make playing this game a sin under most major faiths. God is basically Satan in this game, acting through his Angel to oversee a lot of violence with the power of Fear. (Or "Phear," depending on the author's mood.) In the opening 1/2 hour of the game, you run around guessing what the creator wants you to do next while hitting "Enter" three zillion times in the continuous random battles. Then, you find your way to the Crystal Shrine of something-or-other and suddenly go from being able to swing your weapon to having a ton of Fear skills that basically make you second to God himself. Also, your avatar morphs into Powdered Toast Man or something. The story is one giant orgy of mismatched clichés. The characters are incredibly melodramatic (the main character's parents disown him because he doesn't want to eat) and the plotline makes the Old Testament read like the Berenstien Bears. The game's only redeeming quality is that it does in fact go somewhere with its story and never makes you wonder what the hell is going on...wait, let me rephrase that. The game never makes you care enough about what's going on, unless you haven't hit puberty yet and are a fan of Todd McFarlane. Even then, you still have to be a trans-continental telepath to figure out where to go next half the time, so the game really fails in most every aspect.
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 How valiant of thee! Thou will die before thy eat in a world where so many are poor! If thy wish to starve thyself, thy won't hear me complaining.
Powdered Toast Man sneaks up on his archrival, SaltNPeppa |
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FACTS OF LIFE
 Story is like a "Mad-Libs" version of a SPAWN comic. For the first half-hour of the game, combat consists of hitting the enter button. After that, you get eight uber skills right away that let you destroy everything instantly. Sentence structure could use a team of English teachers- but
considering the quality of most other RM2K games, I really can't give Chosen a minus here. Graphical errors. Misplaced tiles. Magical walls that you can
walk through. Your character is a fucking idiot. While you're playing this, you feel like a fucking idiot, too. So Iguess the game gets a cookie for its Immersion factor.  Original artwork is...kind of cool.
This is countered by the labyrinthine layout of pretty much the entire game. I
don't recognize a lot of the music in this game, so I gave it three stars
just to be safe.
Battle System is standard RM2K. Game has no special features.
You are a servant of God. (evil) The worst setting outside of an
anime game I've ever seen. |
