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Here, fair reader, are the editors, contributors, and credit-pinchers that produce for you The World!
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Title: Director Emeritus, Retired, Recommissioned, Contested
HotorNot Rating: 6.3
Africanized? No
Adamatium Exodermis? Possibly; Unknown
Height: 5'11'' before Elephant Card is played.
Been to Arkansas? No
Born somewhere in the Australian Outback, Matt had a rough childhood. After his parents were killed by a savage dingo,
he was taken in by a tribe of kangaroos. The animals taught Matt much about surviving on his own in the wild, and how
to defend himself with powerful kicks.
One day, when returning from a solo hunt, Matt found that his kangaroo family had been captured and shipped off to a zoo
by some sheep-screwing New Zealanders. He was devastated, and to this day wishes to get his revenge on the country of
New Zealand. He has relocated to the Philadelphia area while plotting his revenge.
Matt founded The World! during his September '99 exile, working on his
laptop as Hurricane Floyd submerged his house. Since then, he's led the staff in both occasional bursts of content and
large stretches of apathy.
His fierce rivalry with Jakub is the stuff of legend, possibly inspired
by Jakub's love of shitty flash effects. Matt is
responsible for almost half the content that has come and gone throughout the years and all the visuals and formatting.
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Title: Editor-and-Chef, Vice President of Libyan Operations
Mellowed?: Mellowed Out 3/4ths bearing 0-5
7-11 Owner Faction Standing: Glowers at you dubiously
Endorsements? Black Mountain Dew, Tourist Board of Germany, Starfinder Psychic Hotline
Relation to Aquaman? Classified
Been to Arkansas? No
HitNRun was a troubled child from birth. After immigrating to the United States from Puerto Rico, he joined the
Comic's Guild and did the nightclub rounds of the northeast corridor, eventually settling in suburban Philadelphia. He
took a job at the fledgling World! for two blankets, a pillow and day-old Acme doughnuts.
HitNRun rose to the operative head of the World via a bloodless coup during the Y2K tech bust. Matt would like to fire
him but cannot afford to pay the 300,000$ per annum Golden Parachute termination package that HitNRun slipped into his
last contract. As one of the more verbose members of the staff, he is also responsible for nearly half of the content that
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Title: K-Mart Photoshopper, 3-D Studio Maximus, Trapeze Coordinator
Conceived: Artificial Insemination
Mickey Mouse Club Member No. 00372
Pecent Asian Heritage: 0%
Favorite Game: Tie- Astyanax and Tales of the Lance
Been to Arkansas? No
Phil is the resident artist here at The World, despite suffering from Red-Green colorblindness. He's been beaten into
submissive productivity as our image monkey. Phil's done a couple pages, but none that have survived
the Apocalypses. Someday these pages might be resurrected, but don't
hold your breath. If you do, Frank H. Firestar might become attracted to your swollen diaphragm and try to mate with
you.
Phil's childhood molestation* has greatly shaped his personality. When viewing something made by Phil, prepare to look
at the world (and The World) a little differently.
*It is left to the reader's interpretation as
to whether Phil was the molester or the molestee.
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Title: Senior Rotund Mechanical Officer
Named for Saint? No
Coolest Invention: NES; those fuckers stole my
Best Car Built: Chevy Nova
First Bond Cheat: DK Mode
Been to Arkansas: Yeah dude, I
Born in Detroit, Michigan in 1974, Marcoze never knew his parents, who were killed in a mission
for NASA. The young Coze spent his early life traveling the country with the Ringling Bros./Barnum & Bailey Circus. Here
would begin Marcoze's lifelong obsession with combustible motors. After a decade of the circus, Marcoze returned to his
hometown of Cleveland, Ohio in time for the 1980 presidential debates, held in the local convention center. The prodigious
Marcoze made his mark on the country by clarifying an assertion of President Carter's with regards to the exact toxicity
of car exhaust. Political experts agree that this gaffe cost Carter the election.
Marcoze went on to pursue his lifelong interest in computer engineering by enrolling at MIT in 1985 at the delicate age of
fifteen. His professors were impressed at the ease with which young Marcoze grasped software programming. Too impressed.
A powerful alliance of faculty conspired to have Marcoze expelled from the school, and the naive youth was easily baited
to seal his academic doom with a simple homework assignment. Marcoze never received payment for his contributions to the
school newspaper, which were borrowed heavily by William Gates in development of Windows 3.1.
Marcoze never forgot
his roots and returned to his parents' home in Virigina after the VMI debacle to attain his goal of achieving eminence in
stock car racing.
He had a long and storied career as a driver, leaving his beloved sport only after his decade-long career accumulated more
than its share of enemies.
Marcoze's career in drag racing had honed his technical skill, making him an easy hire. He joined The World Staff in 2000
as a chairman, a chair where he sits to this very day.
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Title: Guru-Muse of Knowledge; Water Boy
Favorite Color: F7C7FE
Guilty Pleasure: Admiring luster of Patrick Stewart's scalp
Favorite Team: Rochester Americans
Venus or Serena? Ser-EEna!
Been to Arkansas? No
Kruk speaks the language of the Githzerai, and knows much of their culture. Growing up in the Plane of Limbo, Kruk learned
how to shape matter with his thoughts, which is quite important when you live in a place that lacks solid ground.
With his strong speaking skills, he spends much of his time doing the will of Zerthimon, and glorifying the slavery of the
human race.
Anyone with such a deranged point of view would easily find a home here at The World, and so Kruk has. Unfortunately, he
is usually deep in meditation when we need him.
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Title: High Flasher, Muskrat Ambassador, "Hanthai" Forensicist
I was sweatin' bullets? No
Degrees from Kevin Bacon: Four
Air Shox, Air Jordan, or The Pump? The Pump
Favorate "-age"?: wtfpwnzorroxxorage
Been to Arkansas? No
Roy's is a classic rags-to-riches story of how a young girl with wild, foolish, absurd, and hopeless ambitions can rise to The Staff of a world-famous website. (Indeed, we are extremely renowned with international seekers of bestiality porn.)
After majoring in Criminology with minors in Constitutional Law and History at Princeton University followed by a cum laude law school tenure at Yale, Roy realized her true ambition was to do sketches- for the children. Her dedication to her principle and willingness (perhaps even...eagerness) to depict sexual deviance made her perfect for The World, which is sometimes forced to address that topic.
Roy spends her days click-clicking away on her assignments. Unfortunately, all credits, copyrights, and distribution titles for her work go to Phil, who is senior in her department.
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People Who Have Given Their Lives In Creation of The World
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Title: He What; That Fucking; What The Fuck Was He Thinking
Favorite Dog: Alaskan Huskie
Mood Ring: Greenish
Sinatra, Elvis, Jackson? Jackson
AIM Names: 8
Been to Arkansas: No
Dave has a long history with The World, and a sizable amount of it involves the site closing down. From his bad-word
dictionary to his....dissertation on Shigeru Miyamoto to his destroying the site twice, (link to these calamities to come,
probably) Dave has probably left more of a mark on The World than anyone else. This is not meant kindly.
Dave's antics were a thrilling experience; too thrilling, it turns out, for the senior staff. Dave needs to have editorial
clearance to post anything now. This, of course, eliminates the spontaneity which drives Dave's actions in the first place.
An unfortunate situation, but necessary if The World is going to exist for six months at a time without preparing to
evacuate the staff to Madagascar.
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Title: Willing Token; Conceptual Officer of Sloth
Measurements: 64" x 18" x 10.5"
Favorite Bird? Punny ftw
Superpowers? Patience
Rugby or CFL? CFL
Been to Arkansas? No
Robin was our token female staff member. She's never really contributed much, but that goes for most of the people on this
list. She's hinted (for some reason) that she'd be affronted if we removed her from this section, so her entry
remains.
After taking over for her dead predecessor, Robin contributed to the security of Gotham City by rescuing Batman in the
nick of time. Eventually, Batman discovered there were some drawbacks to the new Robin, primarily having to listen to her
gab when they weren't squeezing Scarecrow by his hay-filled nutsack.
Robin decided to go her own way, eventually
coming to meet The World staff through Jim. The World had very little opportunity in crime fighting advancement; they
were however looking for personalities other than "teenage white guy" for their staff. After careful
inspection by Phil, it was determined that Robin met this requirement and thus she was hired.
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Title: Senior Officer of Sloth; Buck Private
Peanut Butter: Low-Salt Creamy
Pokemon Captured: 128
Switched to Broadband: 2000
FTL or Hanes? FTL 4 LIFE!
Been to Arkansas: No
Jim has done less for the site than anyone mentioned on this page. He was, however, one of the original members of
The World. Since it doesn't hurt us to leave his profile up, we do. I mean, what the fuck else are we going to use
the bandwidth for, Sims 2 ISOs?
Jim makes his living by redistributing porn. He redistributes other things too, but nothing anyone needs to know about
on a public website. He wasn't any lazier than the rest of us during the slow times of the site. It's just that he's failed to be any more enthusiastic during the good times.
For this, he's relegated to the Deceased section, though I'm sure if we prompted him to contribute he'd start making "big
plans" (like every other time we've asked him).
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